Thursday, January 29, 2015

Most to Least Annoying Fanbases of Dynasty's in Recent Times

This isn't a list of worst fanbases, but just fanbases that have achieved a lot of success recently. So no Packers fans (awful partly because they embrace this 'we own the team' thing when they're basically complicit in a giant scam), or Colts fans, or even Lakers fans. Haven't won enough. These are a list of fans that cheer for teams that have won a lot recently, and going form the most despicable to the Model Fanbase for 'How to Handle a Lot of Success'.



Absolutely Abhorrent Fanbases

9.) Barcelona Fans

I started this column with the Patriots as my worst fanbase, but Barcelona fans are the worst, in every way. First, they absolutely all bought into this notion that they are 'more than a club' that Barcelona is some puritanical religion that plays the game the right way. They bought into this that they made it a huge deal that Barca eschewed a corporate sponsor for their jersey till ~2011. Of course, then they aligned themselves fully with Qatar, the country running the most corrupt and despicable World Cup ever. When Barcelona's 'More Than a Club' thing was exposed as a fraud, they immediately swiveled onto the attack. They defended these shady signings and business dealings, immediately saying that 'everyone else does it' when they were penalized for first the Neymar signing and then the La Masia infractions. They also have never admitted to losing a game, always either having some awful excuse or turning to their favorite phrase "we far outplayed the other team", essentially deciding as a fanbase that possession should replace goals as the metric that decides soccer matches. Barcelona is like taking all self-righteous Montreal fans from Quebec, but then also giving the team they cheer for more money than anyone and still having defend their team like they're some small shop operating from Catalan Spain against hte Big Bad Royal Family, instead of a juggernaut, corrupt enterprise that has ruined a period of success pretty awfully over the past three years.


8.) New England Patriots Fans

There's really so little separating Pats fans from Barca fans. The Patriots fans have the same basic issue, they believe their whole organization is a level above the rest of the NFL. They bought into that idiotic 'Patriots Way' bullshit, despite them being just a team that won a lot of playoff games in a few years, and never let go even when the team became Chokers United from 2005-2013 in the playoffs. They really do think that everyone who comes to New England will immediately become better, and will never admit to the scores of examples when that is not the case. They'll make defenses for having a scumbag as a head coach, and a creep as an owner. They secretly all loath Brady for his umpteen magazine cover photos with livestock. They also didn't really exist before 1995. What I also hate about the Patriots fans, though, is that they think all of this awfulness is explained away by the fact that they were not a very good franchise before 1996. Of course, they did make the playoffs a few times and even a Super Bowl before that, but they basically think they were the 2000-2009 Lions for a 40 year time period. I have nothing good to say about this group of fans, people who can explain away cheating so much you really wonder if they were all complicit. I've never heard a group of fans use the childish defense of 'well, everyone else was doing it' so much. To those people, if you're organization is so damn smart, how come then, if indeed everyone else is doing it, how come the Pats are the only ones getting caught.


7.) Duke Fans

I mean, how is anyone a Duke fan. First of all, the school is basically either filled with braniac Asian kids who are too upset that they didn't get into the Ivy League of their choice that they're slaving away 20-hours a day, or uppity Southern folk descending from plantations. They basically latched onto this program that likes to reflect these things, as Duke players are better than your normal basketball player. They aren't thugs, they play the game the right way, and they are far more white than most. The Duke fans are ridiculously douchey, probably the worst of any in this list. They aren't entirely loathsome in the way they defend their team, but just hte fact that they embrace all the awful 1800's-type feelings surrounding the Blue Devils program is sadistic.


Holier-Than-Thou Fanbases

6.) St. Louis Cardinals Fans

The Cardinals have basically been something between the Patriots and Manning Colts, making the playoffs all the time, and having a really interesting mix between playoff failures, and a more interesting group of playoff successes. The Cardinals are always there, always in the thick of the playoffs, despite continuous roster turnover and churn. What is amazing is that this brilliant management is not what the Cardinals fans subject the rest of America to, it is the idea that St. Louis is the 'best baseball town'. I don't get mad at Cardinals fans because their team was able to draft fifty great players in the 3rd-80th round of the MLB draft, and develop them all, I get mad because they legitimately think they're the only MLB fan-base that will cheer at the right time, and stay silent at the right time, and never boo. I don't think any fanbase in America thinks more highly of themselves as fans as the Cardinals. It is one thing to be over-the-top arrogant about the team you support, but about yourself is just silly.


5.) Boston Red Sox Fans

Look, I think Sox fans from beginning of time through 2004 were great. The crowds in the 2004 World Series was fantastic. They helped that team tremendously. What I hate about the Sox Nation is how they reacted to that win, turning into one of the most conceited, overly prideful group of fans in MLB. They basically think that the Red Sox have solved everything, that all their prospects are gold, that their guys are better than everyone elses. They refuse to admit that 2013 was a complete fluke, a golden year surrounded by two 90+ loss seasons. They basically didn't admit that they became the Yankees, with their monetizing of everything in Fenway Park, to their gigantic contracts they gave out to old players, to trading away all their bad contracts because they could afford to. They basically became the Yankees on the field, but Yankee fans embrace their smug superiority in a slightly charming way. The Red Sox smugness is not a (pink) hat that fits them well. They seemed to think they were winning with Moneyball, not a giant checkbook, and some roided up sluggers (Ortiz, Manny). They sat by as management smeared player after player in their way out of town. And finally, they were pompous enough to just assume that Jon Lester was going to come back to the Red Sox after hte trade with Oakland, because, why wouldn't he?


Consistently Underappreciative/Conspiratorial Fanbases

4.) Real Madrid/Bayern Munich Fans

I'm putting these two together, because there's been some interesting connections between them. They've switched coaches all the time because their expectations are far too high. They are seemingly never happy with the current level of play, despite how incredible it can be. They always want to play the style that others play. Their fans always demean them of not playing 'Spanish' football (Madrid counter-attacks too much with Mourinho and Ancelotti) or 'German' football (Bayern doesn't counter enough with Guardiola), but at the end of the day, the fans love their team while also understanding the reasons why people may hate them. The Munich fans know Bayern has essentially pilfered the entire Bundesliga. Madridistas know that Real Madrid has more money than God and buys people for fun. They know these things, accept these things, but still want more from their team, not more respect from others.


3.) San Antonio Spurs Fans

I think the Spurs fans are fantastic. They've appreciated that team throughout the past 20 years, whether it was a Spurs group that was winning game after game 90-78, like they did from 2000-2007, or 110-100, like they've done the last five years. They keep the game atmosphere great, rarely arrive late or leave early, and love that team. What people don't like, though, is how the Spurs fans always have this utterly ridiculous inferiority complex. Spurs fans love to think that everyone dislikes the Spurs. Maybe that was true when they won their first 4 titles, though most hardcore NBA fans appreciated their brilliance, but now, ever since the Spurs basically became a Euro team since 2010, everyone loves the Spurs. They are basically the tentpole team for the statistical revolution in basketball, they are lauded as playing the highest form of the sport. The Spurs were so ceremoniously praised for their play over the last three years it became nauseating. The Spurs fans aren't arrogant, they aren't demeaning, they aren't nearly as holier-than-thou as they should be, given how the Spurs actually have a case that their team's management has solved the NBA, but their belief that no one likes them gets a little grating.


Actually Not Hateable, Generally Likable Fanbases

2.) Chicago Blackhawks Fans

There are some bad aspects of the Blackhawks fanbase. First, they refuse to admit that they basically tanked and got lucky and got two HOF players in Toews and Kane. Then, they are probably the biggest bandwagon fanbase in current sports. That place couldn't draw 10K before they struck gold in the NHL draft, and suddenly they get 22,000+ game after game? They understand hockey, but try to use their 'Original 6' status way too much. The Blackhawks, though, aren't overly offensive. They don't always defend their team. They don't all think Toews is better than Sidney Crosby (he's not) because of all the little things he does. They don't all excuse their players for hits. They accept defeat, as I don't know if one Hawks fan who thinks the Kings got lucky last year. The Blackhawks will perennially have success for another ~10 years, and their fanbase won't let it fully go to their heads. They don't demand coaching changes or trades, sticking with this team when it lost in the first round in 2011 and 2012. The Blackhawks are a reasonably good fanbase that has reacted well to having success, but will likely go back to dressing up like empty seats one Toews and Kane leave the building.


1.) San Francisco Giants Fans

If any fanbase wants to learn with how to handle success, watch these guys. The Giants just won their 3rd World Series in 5 years. That even sounds weird to write and it is 100% true. They've won with thrilling comebacks, and solid wins over good teams. They've just won. They've basically pulled off what hte Patriots did from 2001-2004, but their fans are about 5% as arrogant as Patriots fans became. The Giants fans are the one fanbase that, despite ample evidence showing that their shit does work in October, admit they're lucky. They admit that their team isn't God's Gift to Earth, that they don't have the best players. Their only real knock is embracing the myth-making around Madison Bumgarner, but even there, they'll still embrace Tim Lincecum despite him sucking for hte past three years (Lincecum would have left with a full smear campaign calling him an unabashed pot-head had he been a Red Sox). The Giants fans crowd that beautiful ballpark of theirs, generally gave a crap during games, and are a whole lot of fun when they win. They also seem to appreciate how lucky they are. I don't think there was one column coming out of San Francisco asking people to call them a dynasty. They have the least amount of inferiority complex as I've ever seen for a team that won this many titles. I want all great dynasty-type teams to have such fans, such loyal, unassuming, appreciative and good fans.

About Me

I am a man who will go by the moniker dmstorm22, or StormyD, but not really StormyD. I'll talk about sports, mainly football, sometimes TV, sometimes other random things, sometimes even bring out some lists (a lot, lot, lot of lists). Enjoy.